Growing Stronger
The new dose of chemo that I took on the 22nd seems to be the right amount. Although the week after was still pretty rough, it was rough mostly because of how exhausted and out of it I felt.
The reality is, I am starting to feel better. I am having more energy, walking around the house more, going down the front stairs after the mail and newspaper without a thought. Everything is still a major effort, and take a lot of thought. I may decide to do something, and will then spend 15 minutes in a bit of a fog, trying to get myself to do it. But these fogs are becoming shorter. I see light at the end of the tunnel.
The goal here, of course is that the chemo is working to reduce the cancer enough so I can survive, and that, as I get stronger and more able to deal with it I will be able to have an infusion and go back to my life. Until today, I haven't really believed that could happen.
Of course, the Jew inside me says I shouldn't be typing any of this, for fear of jinxing the entire situation. I'm trying not to listen, and to let myself heal and celebrate that healing. I know that, on the 13th, with Chemo Number Four, I will be set back, but I hope to have gained some more strength and maybe not feel as terrible as I have.
The hardest thing, frankly, is holding my head up. If I sit in a chair that doesn't have good support for my head, I tend to slump forward, and then to fall asleep. It's a major drag, always feeling like I'm dozing off while just trying to sit. So the Morris Chair and the Wing Chair are my chairs of choice these days. I sometimes with I had a recliner, where I could sit and read and, if I fell asleep. I'd still be comfortable. But mostly I'm doing okay.
The downside of this is that I'm starting to feel stuck. I want it sooner, I want more. Patience is something I do not feel is my strong suit, and I want it all better - NOW. But I can at least imagine myself as one of those people on the street, running errands or merely out walking and enjoying the weather.
And the weather has been amazing. Mostly it's been in the 70s, but the last couple days it has hit 81, which, for me, is a bit high but still enjoyable.
So today I've been sitting in a wing chair by an open window, reading a book of short stories ("A Manual for Cleaning Women"). It's quite good, actually. I've bought a couple books to read, but most have not really grabbed me, but this is engaging. I recommend it.
So for now, Chemoworld is relatively calm. Reading, writing letters and trying to get exercise. Wish me luck.
Do you have the Morris Chair that used to be on the glasses in porch, that Uncle Lou used to use? I say get a recliner. They have some that look like wing chairs. You will be comfortable. Just do what you need to do to feel better. I got lots of the old classics and read. Of your mind is working but your body isn't, explore through literature. But rest.
ReplyDeleteSo glad things are getting better. Patience, boychik!
ReplyDeleteThis is great relief to hear your strength is returning. I think you crossed a major hump. Each day you will get a little stronger. The chemo dose change may not set you back as much as you fear. You won’t need as much patience Dmitri because the hardest part was getting enough strength to do those first tasks that 2 weeks ago were insurmountable. So happy for you. And I second Ann’s thought. Get the recliner. Anything that gives you the best rest gets you back to your other self quicker and with greater pleasure. Not to mention future grandkids LOVE recliners so there’s that to consider!
ReplyDeleteI'll second that emotion!
ReplyDeleteI'm very happy you're starting to see yourself as one of the people on the street one day, rather than the way you were feeling in your last post. This is great progress! Ignore the kinehora of writing down optimistic feelings. The Jewish evil eye has had it's fun with you already and it's moved on. You've hit maximal kinehora quotient for a lifetime.
I'm wondering if the title, "A Manual for Cleaning Women" is purposely ambiguous. Is it a book of syntactic silliness? In any case, I don't know much about how to clean a woman. I love those sentences like "I was staring at the man with the binoculars", or "My family is revolting." or "I watched her duck." Ok ok, I found a couple more. Indulge me. Real headline: "British left waffles on Falklands". That one took me a minute...ohh! the political left. Duh!
And finally, a bit of cancer humor:
A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, ‘Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?’ I said, ‘All right, but we’re not going to get much done.’
Too soon? Love you.
I went to the doctor and there was a sign that said "English Diabetes Group Fridays at 1:30." So I asked the receptionist if there was another group for the Welsh.
DeleteI am happy to hear all your news. Patience is sometimes called for, sometimes not. I have some recliner/workstation info. Sending via email to you now.
DeleteGreat news!! Ditto, get a recliner and be a lazy boy. xoxo
ReplyDeleteThanks for the uplifting news. Look forward to the next report.
ReplyDeleteDefinitely get a recliner. I got one for the same purpose and although I don't always use it, when I do, it's perfect. It's good for socializing as well, and for receiving get-well visits: it sends that 'ill but still regal' message.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of get-well visits, you know that 1 of our 613 mitzvot is to visit the sick, Bikur Cholim. I prepared an accounting tool for this, a card with numbers on it like an old-style meal ticket. The patient punches the ticket for each visit, and I guess there's a reward for visiting 10 times? That's up to you, but personalized medical waste is always in fashion. I'll email the file -- print it out on pastel card stock for best effect.
Thank Tom for posting a reminder of your blog on Facebook. I am trying to think of something clever to say. Don't have that in me right now so I'll just wish you good thoughts.
ReplyDelete