Marginally Better

Each day, it is starting to feel like things are finally getting better. My weight has stabilized, and I am hoping to be able to gain some of it back. I am able to swallow, so eating is again possible. I'm sleeping better too.

My energy level is still incredibly low, however. And I have to admit to being scared: I am supposed to go for Round Three on the 22nd - just six days from today. I can't imagine what it will be like, and I hate the idea of losing what little ground I have gained. I've written to my oncologist and asked if there is a way this next round could be pushed back somewhat, just to give me a chance to feel stronger.

So I find myself doing more thinking about things that are not Chemoworld related. In my mind, I'm reorganizing our china cabinet, with is just chock a block full of stuff. I love having service for 30 in the Fuji Victoria china that I love ("made in Occupied Japan") but it takes up a LOT of room. Every time we have a big party, I use it, but first have to wash it all, because it sits in the cabinet and gathers dust.

So I've ordered some china storage boxes, which won't have to be kept in the leaded glass cabinet but could be put more safely away in a drawer or built in cabinet in the hall. I'm also taking the opportunity to fill out the missing pieces I need - I only have 22 teacups, for example. I'm hoping to get back to 30 of everything. Or maybe 36...

I have to say that thinking about other kinds of things - rewiring stoves, buying tea cups, having a formal dinner party - really is helping me get through some of this. I am tired of watching old movies, Simpson reruns and bad episodes of "Lost In Space".

It's 20 minutes later, and my oncologist just called me. She is totally great, had read my 5000 word email and had a lot to say. It turns out that we are going to reduce the amount of chemo for the next round, increase some of the palliative care, and try to get me to a point where I can tolerate chemo and still have some quality of life. 

Because my cancer is Stage Four, we are not talking about cures. But she explained that the idea is to find treatments that will keep the cancer at bay while giving me a good life experience so I can go on living my life, along with my cancer. I'm feeling very relieved, and hopeful, and happy. 

She also told me that Kaiser is now giving the COVID-19 vaccine to people in "high risk groups" - people with kidney failure, diabetes, etc. No surprises, but I am in the highest risk group. So at some point in the next couple months, I should get a notification that I can get vaccinated. This would be huge for me - I miss everyone so much, and not being able to see anyone except Tom has been very very hard.

I named this post "Marginally Better" before my conversation with my oncologist. Now I'm feeling like maybe I'm heading for "Significantly Better." Stay tuned.