Baby's First Chemo

 

Today, I had my first chemo infusion at Kaiser. 

Despite being incredibly nervous, it went very well. The Kaiser nurses are amazing, and it was painless and, if anything, kind of boring. I was there for three and a half hours, and the worst side effect so far is that my back is sore from sitting so long.

If you're interested in diving into this, here are links to the two different chemotherapy drugs I am taking:

Carboplatin ( IV )
http://chemocare.com/chemotherapy/drug-info/carboplatin.aspx

Etoposide ( IV on Day #1 and Oral liquid on Day#2and 3)
http://chemocare.com/chemotherapy/drug-info/etoposide.aspx 

 The carboplatin is infused once every three weeks. I also get a dose of the etoposide while I am there, but then bring home pills to dose myself over the next two days. 

In addiion, I am taking pain pills (both hydrocodon and morphine) and antinausea drugs to help keep me from getting sick. My doctor says there are many people who have limited reaction to the drugs, so I'm hoping to be part of that lucky group. They think I will not loose all my hair, but I will experience temporary hair thinning. I'm still not sure if this is going to be the impetus for me to go back to having short hair.

The weirdest thing about all of this is thinking of myself as a "cancer patient." There are definitely times when I have to almost pinch myself and say "I have cancer!" It seems so unbelievable. On the whole, I'd rather be saying "I won the lottery!"  But I still believe this is doable.

Neuroendocrine carcinoma is an odd way to have as esophageal cancer, but since I never smoked nor drank, the "traditional" esophageal cancers are not for me. I expect to go through this, and come out the other side, still here.

How do I plan to move forward? It's all kind of like an out-of-body experience. I go in, and just try to release my body to the medical teams while I stay inside my own head. They are sticking needles in my arm and filling me with toxic chemicals, but somehow, I'm not really there. I'm observing cancer the same way I observe Judaism: from a distance.

I apologize, but I couldn't use any of the resources that are out there, such as Caring Bridge, Care Pages, etc etc. It's just not my style (as the title of this post may have suggested.) I don't want pictures of sunsets and flowers and aphorisms posted around my words. I approach this whole thing with humor, as I approach pretty much everything else in my life. It has served me well, in my relationship, with my kids, in my career. Why not with my cancer? 

If I get too sick/weak to post, Tom will update this page as needed. But mostly, you'll be hearing from me. If you want to keep up-to-date, you can sign up to get email alerts when there is a new post. Feel free not to, and to check back when you want, if ever. Also feel free to share this with anyone you think might be interested. I am not keeping this a secret all. My cancer is an open book. Hopefully, one that is disposable.

The response to my first email/blog post has been unbelievable and overwhelming.  I'm so grateful for the community we have all built together.

The journey is underway. Fasten your seat belts, it's going to be a bumpy ride. The next infusion is March 1st, though I'll update about how I'm doing as the drugs go through my system and as I have the upcoming MRI and PET Scan. Mr. DeMille, I'm ready for my close up.

Comments

  1. AstroFebruary 9, 2021 at 8:32 AM

    Ok, buster, this may be the wrong time to say this, but I'm gonna murder you if you keep naming your posts stuff like Baby's First Chemo!
    I'm having an out of body experience myself over this whole megillah, but weirdly, the world keeps turning and I'm working from home right now. My comment will have to fit into the 20 minutes that I'm "off duty" but supposed to be supporting my team interpreter.
    I fully support your avoidance of websites like CaringBridges.com. HappyPeppyBalloon.com, or Friendsofthefriendless.com. I promise to always reference Lucy, The Flintstones, Gilligan's Island or The Flying Nun on this blog. If you're going to throw All About Eve AND Sunset Boulevard in one sentence, this is what you get, mister.
    The term "cancer patient" is definitely out. You have to follow the new "person with x" formula. Person with a disability. Person with Judaism. Person with homosexuality. Get with the program, son! I guess I'm now a person with advanced age world weariness. I'm barely "woke" from my midmorning nap.
    I'm also a person with love for you. I'll stop being a blaaaaabermouth (oh, Honeymooners too?). I hope the chemo is taking it easy on you. We'll talk. xo
    Sister Sixto.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

 And So It Ends i have been on the chem for three rounds, and it almost killed me. I had a very bad reaction to chemo, but did it because I wanted to kill the cancer, or knock it back, and stick around for a few more years. The CT scan showed that the cancer has been pretty much unaffected  by the CT scans, and has in fact grown. So it is not going to be a way out for me. in fact, there is no way out. I tried to do this dance, but it is time to agree that I am not going to be dancing any more. I am sorry to be letting people know in such an in-personal way. There are so many people I'd love to spend a day with and talk about all this  but I don't think this is going to happen.  i am weaker than I have ever been, having a hard time even imagining visitors. I just can't see having a stream of visitors. Maybe I'lol get some energy back and my feelings will change. Whatever happens, I have learned a couple things: i learned that no matter how many people sending you posi...
Read more
Image
 High Atop the Palisades There used to be an amazing amusement part just across the river from New York, called Palisades Amusement Park.It had the best theme song: Palisades has the rides, Palisade has the fun, Come on over. Shows and dancing are free, so's the parking so gee, Come on over. Palisades from coast to coast Where a dime buys the most Palisades Amusement Park Swings all day and after dark. Ride the coaster, get cool in the waves in the pool You'll have fun so come on over. The most amazing feature of Palisades was the huge roller coaster, perched right on the edge of the cliff. When the car got to the top of the hill and curved to come back down, the riders could see all the way down to the river. It was terrifying.  But now that the whole park is gone, I'm wondering: has it relocated to Chemoworld? Because much of my days seem to be spent riding the rides. No, not that anything exciting is happening. But I go from feeling better to feeling worse in the blink o...
Read more
Image
 Struggling It has been a rough day. I am not feeling all that badly, actually. I'm eating and though I don't think it's having an effect yet, it does feel good to eat.  And some wonderful things have happened - I got to sit outside yesterday with Julia, who has been an amazing support, and with Miriam, who has brought daffodils and sent encouraging texts and just been the same wonderful friend she has been for the last four plus decades. Today, we had breakfast with Sabastian and Jamie - something we haven't done in a couple months. They sat at the bottom of the front stairs, where we set up a table and chairs, and we sat up on the glider with TV trays. It was wonderful, and felt very familiar. And so great to see the two of them, both so happy, talking about the wedding and their plans. But it has been a hard day because I have felt so trapped. I spent most of the day in our bedroom, reclining on the bed, watching weird shit on TV and dealing with the weirdness that i...
Read more