Where Did the Time go?

So, it's been a couple days. And as many people warned me: they were rough.

Actually, I feel like I missed the worst of it. I didn't get nauseous, I didn't have an upset stomach, and I didn't have "other gross GI issues" to deal with. 

Mostly, I have been exhausted. And this is a level of exhaustion that I have never known before. Sleeping upwards of 18 hours each day, feeling completely like I have lost myself. Over the last couple days, I generally dragged myself from the bed to the couch, where I nap most of the day, then dragged myself back to bed. Even after sleeping for 15 hours, I would lie down at night and go to sleep.

And my sleep wasn't light. Sometimes, when I woke up, I felt myself swimming up through what felt like piles of blankets, quilts and counterpanes. I could mentally feel myself pushing off stacks and stacks of covers, trying to get back to the light. It's a very weird feeling.

I've also had some weird side effects. One was that my pulse shot up to 150, which was definitely an odd feeling. There were no other complications: I did not feel lightheaded or dizzy or anything else. Just had a racing pulse. So Tom drove me to Kaiser for an EKG, which appears to have been normal. 

Day Two (Tuesday) was not that bad, but Days Three and Four were pretty rough, and yesterday I started to feel a little bit back to myself. Today, I am still not myself - sitting up is hard, walking around is hard. But I am definitely feeling better.

And eating has been incredibly difficult. Along with my energy went my appetite, so I have mostly been drinking and trying to keep hydrated. 

But it does feel like the worst is over for Chemo Number One, and now I have more than two weeks before I start over again. Tomorrow, I have an MRI (more laughs) so we can see if any of the cancer has seeped into my brain. 

It's very weird having my body dissected while I'm still alive, but it is amazing that they can do all these tests and see so much of what's going on inside me. 

The question everyone keeps asking: do I feel like the chemo had an effect? The answer is, yes. It feels different. The pain is less. Something is happening. Who knows what it is, but I'm feeling hopeful. and it does feel good to be somewhat of the way down the path toward treating this mess. Lots of remodeling left to do, but I'm on my way.

Comments

  1. valesco1February 13, 2021 at 8:06 PM

    Ah, Cancerland. The ticket we never wanted to the place we didn't want to vacation. The good news you have a lot of people who have visited before and can help you on your journey. Some of them got a ticket out, some never left, some left feet first. I was told after my cancer treatment that I had very good chance I would never get the kind I had again. But I was still in the general pool with every other type of cancer. As The Piranha Brothers said in Monty Python, "cheery but violent."

    I wish you well on your inner remodeling. If you want any silly dad jokes, I'm happy to send any number of them. As another one of my favorite hippie characters, Wavy Gravy, said... well actually he said two things that stick with me.
    "Keep your sense of humor: if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny anymore."
    "Laughter is the valve on the pressure cooker of life. Either you laugh and suffer, or you got your beans and brains on the ceiling."

    Take good care. You've got a great partner in this caper. That’s worth a lot.

    ReplyDelete
  2. kathy SmithFebruary 13, 2021 at 9:48 PM

    Wow! You did it. Round one - done amd gone for good. Welcome back from what sounds like quite a journey. So descriptive I could feel the weight and depths as you resurfaced from the blankets and fog. I think sleep is a way better side effect than nausea. Hope you get to enjoy eating again soon. I’m sure those chemo drugs are doing exactly what they are targeted to do. Crazy you can feel that. It’s remarkable how in tune with your body you are. Thanks for the keen insights and keeping us appraised. Cannot tell you enough how much it helps having these updates.

    Kathy

    ReplyDelete
  3. sHAsHAFebruary 16, 2021 at 8:05 PM

    Just now seeing this - no notification that you had posted, so I'll be sure to check daily. I love how reading you feels so much like hearing/seeing you. Sooo grateful for your progress and that this course seems to be moving in the right direction. I love you like crazy!

    ReplyDelete

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